I've got some pretty cool friends in my life whom I am glad like to have me around. I am most of the time around just guys. Most of whom are musicians. We spend most of our time talking about gear, bands, how something went that we played at, etc. We like to talk about how well someone played if we had the opportunity to see them, but we also talk about how bad someone messed up. Also, since we are leading people in worship most of the time we are playing, we can get into conversation about how much somebody messed up [off the stage] in their day-to-day life.
We feed information to each other about other people's lives and look for, whomever we are talking to, that person to agree with what we are saying.
Example:
P1: "Dude, ____Px_____ was an idiot the other night, he drank to much and ________ happened.
P2: "He's so dumb."
P3: "Yeah, it is funny how he talks about getting up on stage and leading people in worship but he went and did that."
P1: "I mean you guys think he is an idiot, right?
P2: "Yeah totally."
P3: "Dude, for sure"
I'm sure you get the point. If you're not in the music talk, you could probably change a few of these words around to fit your situation. My favorite part about that conversation is person 1. The second comment they make is looking for confirmation that everyone around agrees with them that person "x" is an idiot. I guarantee you have all been in this situation, assuming you went to high school.
The truth is however, that for most people this type of gossip didn't stop in high school. It definitely didn't stop for me and I know my friends would agree that this is a subject that they deal with. A lot of times [most of the time] it's not even that "mean" what we gossip about behind people's backs. It's jokes that everyone could laugh about. Well, except maybe the person that is about.
I read a blog that someone I work with posted about complaining about your wife. He wrote about how as a husband you never have permission to complain about your wife and especially not to your "dudes" when it is guys night out. He mentioned this invisible wall that begins to build up between a husband and wife when you talk or complain about them behind their back. In that light, I looked at all of my relationships. Especially the ones at home with my family. I noticed that there were friends and family members, who for some reason, I couldn't be around at times. That even the smallest of things they would do bugged me.
Why was this? What had they done to make me not stand being around them? It is like there is a wall between us..... oh, there it is.
They had done nothing. It was me, talking behind their back about how "dumb" something they had done was. I was the reason I couldn't be around them. When they were defenseless and not around I was looking for someone to agree with me about the way I saw it. I was looking for "power" over a friendship or relationship. It felt good to have someone else say, "yeah, that was pretty mean of them."
I'm sure you are already thinking about someone that this has happened with or is happening with. I've realized that it is not my responsibility to change the way someone acts towards me. Truthfully, I can't do that. I've tried and instead of changing the person I just wrote them off of my list. Pretty cruel. It hurt me to see [and still see] the way that I love. Completely conditional.
I believe this topic is for both followers of Jesus and for people who could care less about God. The reason being is that, there are probably people saying cruel things about you [and me] behind our backs. No matter what you believe in, that is not cool. I think we can be confident that it is less likely for someone to talk behind our backs if we don't talk behind theirs. If we love our brothers [and sisters] then the Bible says that we, "abide in the light, and in him [or her] there is no cause for stumbling." 1 John 2:10
To abide in the light though, you have to know Jesus. You must understand that God loved all of us first, before we did [or didn't do] anything. Honestly, it would have to be Jesus to keep me from gossip. Without him I am likely to talk about someone behind their back. I want to share some scripture with you and if you're not a follower of Jesus my prayer and trust is in God that the Holy Spirit would open your eyes to this. If you are a follower of Jesus my prayer is that as brothers and sisters we could learn to love as Christ loves us.
"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves.. has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:7 & 8 (ESV)
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning [making amends for] sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4: 9 & 10 (TNIV)
"We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar, for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen.. cannot love God whom he has not seen." 1 John 4:19 & 20(ESV)
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